Sasuke's Secret Garden
by JollyCooperation
Summary: Sasuke's "Secret Garden" has some strange effects... Follow Sasuke as he attempts to achieve a fairy-tale ending


Sasuke was angry. Not only because the TV did not record the newest episode of Oprah, which he'd been dying to see, but what he had walked into just now.

At five in the morning.

It seemed Kakashi thought that it would be a good idea to take eggs out of his refrigerator. You see, Kakashi's eggs all went bad after his refrigerator broke due to Chouji accidentally sitting on it. Being the best ex anbu ninja elite around, he decided it was best to take someone else's eggs from their kitchen instead of buying a new refrigerator. It didn't help that he had helped himself to some shrooms from Sasuke's "secret garden" for breakfast.

It was not often people caught Uchiha Sasuke by surprise, but this was a different story.

"Papaya! Boom shacka chakaaaaaaa!" Kakashi had leapt on him from on top of his refrigerator; death from aboved.

"Sexy sexy duckieee! O dem HIPS!"Perched like a giant vulture on Sasuke's shoulders, Kakashi pelvic thrusted against the back of Sasuke's head.

The crotch impact was so intense, that nuclear scientists tried to sue the author on rights to the A bomb.

While Sasuke was seeing stars, Kakashi made his move.

He grabbed the eggs out of the refrigerator, and after attempting to do the tango with Sasuke at the same time, was thrown out of the second floor window. How this was done, even Al Gore doesn't know, since Sasuke's house had one floor. Sasuke was livid at this point, and in his emo rage, he threw the eggs too. Which all broke. Kakashi was then covered in baby chicks. "Peep!" They said.

Kakashi looked at them…and then declared "My children, the day has come!" He then stuffed them into his pants and took off, hopping from telephone pole to telephone pole, disconnecting everyone's cable as he went. His peeping pants wiggled about all the way.

"Imbecile…" Sasuke murmured and began preparing tea. He looked at his exhausted face in the tea kettle. "Oh you sexy beast…what ever happened to your perfect face and lustrous locks?" Everything in his home needed at least one faceted side. He needed to check his reflection every quarter hour. He also needed lots of new faceted appliances, since when he disliked what he saw, his first reaction was to set the offender on fire. Be it animal, mineral, or vegetable. "Hmm..my new facial crème might be of some use today." He said casually, and then attempted to stuff the tea pot down the garbage disposal.

This did not go over well. The large teapot caused the gears to become jammed¸thus making the sink explode. Sewage water flew everywhere, due to his poor plumbing skills. He had, a week ago, connected the sink and the toilet in order to save on the water bill. While Sasuke thought this use of recycling was brilliant, his manwife refused to drink the new and Sasuke improved tap water. Sasuke drank it all the time just to spite his manwife. This was, in hindsight, unwise since every time he drank the water, he would projectile vomit kittens. Why kittens? Because chakra in Naruto can do ANTHING. ANYFREAKINGTHING PHYSICS AND THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUM MEAN NOTHING. NOTHING!...including the sewagekittenvomit no jutsu. The exploded sink sadly, did not have dead, poop covered kittens within. Just warm sewage water. The water did wonders for Sasuke's skin, but not his spirits. Looking around with a glare that would freeze hell, he gritted his teeth.

"And now the sink is ruined and I'm covered in my own excrement. Kakashi will pay for this." He stomped to his bedroom.

Naruto, his manwife, lay asleep in the bed, snoring loudly.

"How adorable." Sasuke murmured, forgetting all about the exploded sink. He then went into the bathroom and grabbed the new jar of facial crème. The grimy green mash spread unevenly over the slime from the sink. However, that was none of his concern. His dashing looks could outshine any obstacle. Then, without ceremony, his stomach demanded that he barf dead kittens onto his reflection.

At that moment, Naruto woke up, and in a daze, walked slowly to the bathroom. He noticed a bad stench in the air, and figured that it was Sasuke taking a shower in the newandimprovedtapwater. Opening the door however, was his fatal mistake. "Oops, sorry, Sasuke I did-didn -ttttaaaaaaAAAAAHHHH!" Sasuke stood in front of him dead kittens falling from his mouth, a foul green slime oozing and bubbling on his face.

"Narutooooo" Sasuke reached for him, thinking he looked drop dead sexy. "Lets make sweet monkey loooove."

Naruto panicked, and ran down the hall and into the kitchen. "Ahhhh!" He stepped on a dead kitten and immediately the dead kitten turned surf board carried him, sliding through slime, out the kitchen window. He, like Kakashi flew through the second story window. No. That does NOT MAKE SENSE. He landed in the middle of Sasuke's secret garden, sliding to a stop on his face. As he stopped, a Japanese announcer ran over and shouted "HOME RUN!" before stealing some of Sasuke's mushrooms and making a quick getaway on a conveniently placed mo-ped. Naruto then died, and was instantly reincarnated as a mushroom. "I'm nutritious!" He said with a huge mushroom grin. And he and the other mushrooms began to sing Willy Nelson songs together in chorus.

Swearing at Naruto's failing to see him as sexy, Sasuke decided it would be better to just burn down the house. Thus, he set the whole place on fire, and the scent of burning feces was billowed all over the neighborhood, killing two old ladies as they beat their grandchildren.

The grandchildren, in their glee, ran over to Sasuke and took his clothing as souvenirs. He was too busy setting fire to the house to notice.

"Well, the breeze is nice!" Sasuke then walked over to his "secret garden", deciding it would be nice to live there instead of a house. The breeze was great. He plopped down in the loam and unearthed a T.V. from among the flowers and mushrooms. He swayed as the serenading mushrooms began a rounding chorus of "On the Road Again" and then had a cerebral failure as he realized that the T.V. had no cable. He then died and was also reborn immediately as a mushroom. "On the road again! The life I love is making music with my friends!" They all sang together in harmony and lived happily ever after.

I feel so much shame.

-The Byza


End file.
